While returning home the other afternoon I was assailed by a melancholy and very strong smell of Goodbye. The intense colours and the smells of the wet earth the yellow and red leaves along the way caught my heart telling me that the time to leave has arrived. Every goodbye is painful, especially those that concern us personally.
But what are those farewells so difficult to give and take?
Those that we owe to ourselves, those who confirm that a part of us no longer serves us, rather limits us, blocks us.
Although we are aware we cannot let go of behaviours that we feel an integral part of our everyday life. We do not behave like the tree that confidently allows nature to take its course. We struggle strenuously to hold back old patterns, habits, thoughts, attitudes, ways of doing things, shortcuts and rules because, in the end, it is so that we have organized ourselves to understand deciphering and supporting our world.
Coming home with the melancholy of those vivid colours and full of goodbye, I thought of my farewells. Long drags hiding the truth of limitations and moving forward keeping everything over your heavier shoulders.
Towards the Salvation of Letting Go
As the steps proceeded towards home my mind was thinking about the next goodbye. I know I must – once again – allow that part of me that no longer works to fall as well as the dry leaf falls from the tree. I MUST DO IT naturally to give me the chance to grow and SAVE myself from behavioural patterns and habits that limit me.
I wondered, passing among the leaves of plane tree what I could and had to do, and what prevents me from making that farewell.
Letting go of that part of me means accepting my useful death.
As soon as the thought was composed everything was clear. It’s the fear of losing that “me” that holds me back and grips me tightening what I don’t need anymore. I am afraid of forgetting and losing that image of me, useful until recently but which now must leave room for my new Me.
I should be used to it! It happened to me so many times and I know that it will happen again, fortunately!
Still, that feeling of loss occurs at every season of change. I know very well that after this salvation I WILL be reborn and the energy of birth will lead me lightly to where I am going, but why hold this back?
The questions always find answers
This question made me look at the leaves. Wrinkle away from the mother tree: I asked myself what are they for?
They are the evidence of the passage, the eulogy of change.
While the return home was near, in the hour before sunset I realized that, just as the leaves celebrated their farewell, I also had to recognize the passage, I had to celebrate my change.
To change means in part to die. To accept the salvation of letting go that gives us to a new better life.
I celebrate my change here with words, as I am used to doing by putting a black and white for future memory to remind me to accept that fear that will bring me to my joyful new birth.